Love and Logic

The mission at the Club, and perhaps for most parents too, is to inspire and enable all young people to realize their full potential as productive, responsible and caring citizens. As parents, we know this doesn't happen overnight, and there can certainly be challenges along the way, but there are some techniques and strategies that can help. One of those strategies you should have in your parenting toolbox is the concept of Love and Logic. (www.loveandlogic.com)

The principles of Love and Logic are based on the foundation of loving and caring relationships that emphasize respect for both the parent and the child. Parents offer choices and provide limits in loving ways (no anger, lectures, threats, warnings) and allow the child to experience the oftentimes natural consequences of his or her poor decisions, hopefully at a time when the stakes are low. As the child learns from these "mistakes" they become better decision-makers and more responsible as they grow. Combine these limits and consequences with a heavy dose of empathy and you've got the basics of Love and Logic.

One of the most difficult concepts of Love and Logic is to allow your child to fail. Do not rescue him or her from a bad decision. Allow them to own it. Respond with compassion and understanding. As a result, they will grow in self-confidence, knowing that they have the ability to solve their own problems. They will learn from each decision and recognize that the quality of their life depends on the choices that they make.

Here's a simple example: A child is so busy playing before school, or gets up too late, that he forgets his homework on the counter. He calls Mom desperately from school and asks her to bring it to him, claiming that he will fail the assignment if it is not turned in that day. Mom could drop everything she is doing to find the paper and deliver it to the classroom, because that is Mom's natural instinct. But this would be an inconvenience to Mom, perhaps even igniting anger and resentment, and doesn't teach the child a thing - other than Mom will rescue him from a crisis. OR the Love and Logic way would be to sincerely and empathetically say to the child, "I'm so sorry about that. Maybe next time you'll remember to put your homework in your backpack before you go to bed at night so you'll have it when you need it." Sure, the child may suffer the natural consequence of failing that assignment, but more importantly he has learned to take responsibility and begin to understand that his decisions have consequences - and that Mom's time is important, too.

The earlier the concepts of Love and Logic are applied the better, because at young ages the stakes are much lower - such as failing an assignment or forgetting a jacket when it's cold outside. Check out the Love and Logic website or read the book, Parenting with Love and Logic, for more tips, tools, and specific examples of how to apply these concepts to your parenting.